Questions for lovers

"To Fall in Love With Anyone, do This" is a fascinating article from the January 9 NYT.  Apparently the psychologist who developed these questions got two people to fall in love as they shared their responses in a lab. I think many of these would be good tools for self-knowledge as well.


Questions developed as a task for generating closeness.


Task Slips for Closeness-Generating Procedure
Set I
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would
you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse
what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a "perfect" day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of90 and retain either
the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years
of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have
in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were
raised, what would it be?
11. Take 4 minutes and tell your partner your life story in
as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained anyone
quality or ability, what would it be?
Set II
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself,
your life, the future, or anything else, what would you
want to know?
14. Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a
long time? Why haven't you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly,
would you change anything about the way you are now
living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive
characteristic of your partner. Share a total of 5 items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your
childhood was happier than most other people's?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your
mother?
Setm
25. Make 3 true "we" statements each. For instance 'We are
both in this room feeling ... "
26. Complete this sentence: "I wish I had someone with
whom I could share ... "
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your
partner, please share what would be important for him
or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very
honest this time saying things that you might not say to
someone you've just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in
your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By
yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them
already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to
communicate with anyone, what would you most regret
not having told someone? Why haven't you told them
yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches
fire. Mter saving your loved ones and pets, you have
time to safely make a final dash to save anyone item.
What would it be? Why? Downloaded from http://psp.sagepub.com at Oxford University Libraries on April 26, 2010
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you
find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice
on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner
to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about
the problem you have chosen.
Task Slips for Small-Talk Condition in Study 1
Set I
1. When was the last time you walked for more than an
hour? Describe where you went and what you saw.
2. What was the best gift you ever received and why?
3. If you had to move from California where would you go,
and what would you miss the most about California?
4. How did you celebrate last Halloween?
5. Do you read a newspaper often and which do you
prefer? Why?
6. What is a good number of people to have in a student
household and why?
7. If you could invent a new flavor ofice cream, what would
it be?
8. What is the best restaurant you've been to in the last
month that your partner hasn't been to? Tell your
partner about it.
9. Describe the last pet you owned.
10. What is your favorite holiday? Why?
11. Tell your partner the funniest thing that ever happened
to you when you were with a small child.
12. What gifts did you receive on your last birthday?
Setll
13. Describe the last time you went to the zoo.
14. Tell the names and ages of your family members, include
grandparents, aunts and uncles, and where they
were born (to the extent you know this information).
15. One of you say a word, the next say a word that starts
with the last letter of the word just said. Do this until
you have said 50 words. Any words will do-you aren't
making a sentence.
16. Do you like to get up early or stay up late? Is there
anything funny that has resulted from this?
17. Where are you from? Name all of the places you've lived.
18. What is your favorite class at UCSC so far? Why?
19. What did you do this summer?
20. What gifts did you receive last Christmas/Hanukkah?
21. Who is your favorite actor of your own gender? Describe
a favorite scene in which this person has acted.
22. What was your impression of UCSC the first time you
ever came here?
23. What is the best TV show you've seen in the last month
that your partner hasn't seen? Tell your partner about
it.
24. What is your favorite holiday? Why?
Set III
25. Where did you go to high school? What was your high
school like?
Aron et al. / INTERPERSONAL CLOSENESS 375
26. What is the best book you've read in the last three
months that your partner hasn't read? Tell your partner
about it.
27. What foreign country would you most like to visit? What
attracts you to this place?
28. Do you prefer digital watches and clocks or the kind
with hands? Why?
29. Describe your mother's best friend.
30. What are the advantages and disadvantages of artificial
Christmas trees?
31. How often do you get your hair cut? Where do you go?
Have you ever had a really bad haircut experience?
32. Did you have a class pet when you were in elementary
school? Do you remember the pet's name?
33. Do you think left-handed people are more creative than
right-handed people?
34. What is the last concert you saw? How many of that
band's albums do you own? Had you seen them before?
Where?
35. Do you subscribe to any magazines? Which ones? What
have you subscribed to in the past?
36. Were you ever in a school play? What was your role?
What was the plot of the play? Did anything funny ever
happen when you were on stage?